Why do we compare ourselves? We compare even our worries and we find ourselves weak if we have sadness, anger, tears. What if others are not stronger than you but YOUR chain is longer and heavier to carry?
Incidents, difficult situations leave a space in which an environment exists. Memories, decisions, emotions (even unconscious ones) attached to our senses, our feelings, physical sensations, etc. Like a magnetic link if you will. This space will allow similar environments to att
ach together. The incident, even if difficult and heavy in itself, is much more difficult to carry if we also carry other significant moments attached to it. The link becomes a chain, longer and longer and therefore heavier to carry with more and more difficult feelings and emotions.
What makes the whole thing complex is that we don't always realize that we haven't 'processed' what happened to us. And what makes an incident or a situation traumatic is not what happens as such, but our relationship with the event and how we process it.
That's why we should never say 'oh yes, that happened to me too, it's not so bad'.
The question is: How can we put down some links to make our daily life less heavy, less dark? Being able to deal with what happens to us as it happens so as not to leave cycles open to reactivation is the best solution but it is not always possible. We often need to be accompanied on the spot by someone who can ask the right questions and help calm our nervous system.
However, it is not too late to integrate difficult events even if they happened a long time ago. By systematically examining the contents of our mind and removing the emotional charge, incidents can be integrated, understood, and thus left where they belong: in the past.